Saturday Morning on Long Island ... On The Bay on Long Island to be more specific (Here's a tip:It's ON Long Island. Not IN Long Island. The locals get upset if you say it wrong) ... I look out the sliding glass doors that lead to my 16x50 deck, beyond the railing, across my acre and a half yard, past the bulkhead and dock and out across the private, saltwater cove, the inlet and across the glittering expanse of water to The Hamptons. Five spacious bedrooms (I HATE small bedrooms) and four full baths ... 5000 square feet in all. Half circle driveway that starts on Little Peconic Bay Road and comes out on Sailors Lane. You'd think there were more than just the two of us living in a place this size. But no. It's just me and my son.
Seems excessive. But that's America.
That's just the point ... Well ... Not THE point. Just one of many I guess.
A while back, on the late shift at work, I was asked by a visiting physicist from Germany, to "explain America". I'll refer to him as "Arron" from here, since that's his name ... Arron was confused about the prevailing mentallity of Americans in general. He couldn't understand things like our lack of respect for our political leaders, the wide variations in socio-economic circumstances of the population, spanning from lives of excess to abject poverty, the resistance to gun control, the need to cling to the First Amendment ... The list was long. We stood in the half-light outside, smoking Marlboros ... The was a moment of silence after he posed his question before I made my move ...
Slowly, with as much Clint Eastwood as I could muster, I drew my right hand from the pocket of my 501, button-fly Levi's, and I gave him "The Finger" as I affected my best James Dean 'look at the ground, then up' move. "This ... is what America is all about." I said. He smiled and half laughed then asked for more detail. This is a paraphrase of my answer:
"The very origin of our country is based on a general statement of 'kiss my ass' ... From the Boston Tea Party to the push West to the Industrial Revolution to the Atomic Bomb. We are irreverant. We pay our taxes and in return, we expect to be left the hell alone to do as we please, just so long as we aren't hurting anyone else. We like our guns, even if we never have a reason to use them. We by God have 'em if the occasion should arise. We have a general lack of respect for our politicians because we SUCK at electing the right guy. The Terminator is the governor of California. Sonny Bono was a senator or representative or whatever. One of our best presidents in recent decades played a friggen cowboy on Death Valley Days and made movies with a chimp. Jessy The friggen Body Ventura, a pro wrestler and minor movie star was the Governor of Minnesota. Kennedy bangged Marilyn Monroe and Clinton got his junk sucked in the oval office. Our priests pork altar boys. Our school teachers seduce high school students. Our cops stick broomsticks up the asses of bad guys or play lookout for each other while they rape drunk coeds. Our doctors feel up patients when they're under sedation and I don't even wanna TALK about Kentucky. We're not much different than the majority of people from other countries except we don't quietly leave our skeletons in the closet. We yank those fuckers out and leave 'em on display on the steps to the county courthouse. We give reverence where it is deserved, but we call a turd a turd without batting an eye. The difference in quality of life in by and large directly proportionate to the level of ambition someone has. Not always. But more often than not. We make movies about heroes and cowboys and boxers and lovers and geniuses ans rock stars ... Then we buy into it and fuckin' LIVE it as best as we can. We'll give you the shirt off our respective backs if we believe you need it, but we'll punch you in the mouth in a second if you spit on our metaphoric shoes ... That's the short version of America' ...
He stood, mouth agape for a moment, then a smile of realization crept across his face.
"I think I get it." he said.
"No you don't" I smiled.
Then we went back to the control room and finished the shift, gathering data from the Linear Accelerator we were commissioning.
I hope I explained well enough for those of you who weren't there to provide your point of view. But I'm not going to lose any sleep over it if I didn't. Because this is America. It's whatever the hell I say it is ... and whatever the hell you say it is ... and you ... and you ...
Thanx for spending a little time with me.
I appreciate it.
Billy
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