Dinner On The North Fork To Die From ... Not For ... FROM ... O'Mally's ... Just Say "No".

Okay ... So this was a few weeks ago. A very close friend and I decided to try this place: O'Mally's, in Southold, NY out on the North Fork of Long Island. She was living with me at my house out on Nassau Point for about a month, and dinner out just sounded like fun. Our hopes were high due to the rave reviews I'd been hearing about the place for several years.

Sooooo ... We piled into the Jaguars and drove the few miles from my place to their place; mouths watering and bellies eagerly awaiting something along the lines of a juicy Porterhouse or perhaps a nice New York Strip. When we pulled into the parking lot, there were only two other cars there. "What luck!" we said. "They're not even crowded!" we smiled ... Unfortunately ... There was a really BAD reason for that.

The elderly gentleman who greeted us at the door was VERY friendly, albeit a bit shabby in appearance. The interior was somewhat dated but passable. The table we were seated at was TINY. Considering there were only two other occupied tables in the place, there were plenty of larger, more comfortable places they could have put us, but we went along with the plan. Perhaps they had reservations for the rest of the tables ... ?

THEN, our waiterS came over ... Yes waiters with an "S". Not one, but TWO waiters ... Young men in their very early 20's, dressed in shabby blue jeans, faded, less than clean tee shirts and aprons that brought to mind something a butcher might wear. Now ..... My dinner companion is VERY easy on the eyes if you catch my drift ... The waiterS certainly noticed ... Although I'm not so sure they noticed me ... You know ... The guy who was about to shell out $100 + on dinner. They didn't glance in appreciation at my companion ... They GAWKED, STARED, DROOLED, PANTED ... They pretty much did everything short of whipping out their respective Johnsons and masturbating while they took our order. They were back at the table ... no shit ... every 3 friggen minutes for the rest of our dining experience until I'd finally had enough and told them "Stop hovering. If we need anything else, I'll wave or something" ... at which point they repaired to the kitchen entrance with the rest of the male staff to stare unabashedly from some 30 feet away. MUCH better.

Now ... I paint this picture of the staff to illustrate what we both considered the MOST TOLERABLE part of our dining experience. The menu SUCKED. There was only one kind of steak ... Sirloin ... You know. The crap they grind up at the grocery store to make Hamburger. The baked potato each of us got was about the size of half a hot dog bun and poorly over-cooked. The so-called salad was sub-par to say the least. The steaks were improperly cooked and eating them was like unto self-flagellation for something I didn't even do. At one point, Tricia (my dinner companion and dear friend) said "I'm just going to ask for a doggy bag and bring the rest of this home for Bear" (Bear is my dog's name) to which I replied "I thought you LIKED my dog" ... Laughter ensued. As a matter of fact, laughter was the only thing that kept the evening from being a complete bust. The food and service were SO terribly, it was literally laughable. Every single thing was ridiculous in its inadequacy.

After paying the offensive tab and finishing our minuscule glasses of sub-standard wine ($12 a glass ... and the glass was the size of half an orange ... half of a small orange ... and only half full) we rose and headed for the door. As we passed the Mat re De's podium, we came upon a wicker basket, filled with rather high-end after dinner mints in pretty gold wrappers. I snatched a HUGE handful while announcing, in a voice loud enough for EVERYONE in the place to hear, "We are by GOD getting out of hear with SOMETHING that tastes good!"

She laughed. I laughed. We giggled as we ran to the Jag and sped off, literally into the sunset.

Footnote: On April 10th, the day after Tricia and I had dinner there, O'Mally's went up for sale.

Gun Control ... ?

 

Okee dokee ... I've seen a ridiculous amout of "stuff" over the past few months on here on the gun control issue. But before I get out my soapbox and start in, lemme preface it with this: I'm 6 feet tall+. I weigh 212 pounds. I can easily bench press most muggers and/or burglers. I have owned MANY guns in the past, though I currently own none. I taught my two sons gun safety and taught my now ex-wife to shoot, long ago. So, I have lived life with and without guns. NOW ... Up on the soapbox I go: The people who govern our country, from the Pres. right down to whatever level you want to stop at, is protected on a regular basis by ... people with guns. Police officers, are people with guns on their person pretty much anytime they are awake. Our military consists mainly of ... people with guns. So .... Guns are good to protect our nation. Guns are good to protect the public and keep the peace. Guns are good for protecting the lives and well-being of our government and their families ... But we need to crack down on the general public having guns??? Look ... a cop, a soldier, a secret service agent, someone out hunting pheasant or deer, someone shooting skeet ... all PEOPLE WITH GUNS. Any one of them could have a screw lose and decide to go on a shooting spree. Guns aren't the problem. PEOPLE are the problem. And let's face it ... THERE IS NOTHING ANYONE CAN DO TO GUARANTEE THE SAFETY OF ANYONE!!!! This is Earth. It can be a dangerous place to live sometimes. So either climb your ass into your root cellar and stay there for the rest of your life, or realize that life has zero safety guarantees and get out there and live and let live. Just because I can beat a mugger into the ground like a tent stake, hence have no need to carry around a gun, doesn't mean that right (YES RIGHT) should be denied to ANYONE who believes THEY SHOULD have or carry a gun. Look at the statistics. States with the most strict gun laws HAVE THE HIGHEST CRIME RATES. States where the gun laws are the least restrictive HAVE THE LOWEST CRIME RATES. What happened at Sandy Hook was a horrible tragedy. But if the guy had locked everyone in the school by chaining all the doors shut and then poured gasoline on everything and burned everyone in the place to death ... would we all be debating whether or not our chain control and gasoline control laws were adequate? NO! We'd be lamenting fifty times as many deaths and wondering what drives a person insane enough to do such a horrible thing. News Flash: THE GOVERNMENT AND OTHER SPECIAL INTEREST GROUPS ARE USING THE HORRIBLE TRAGEDIES THAT OCCUR IN OUR COUNTRY AS A MEANS OF SHOCKING US INTO BUYING INTO THEIR AGENDA!!!!! You're smarter than that. No ... It's not some conspeiracy theory or "OMG, they're out to get us" ... It's politics. It's special interest. It's fear-mongering. Don't fall for it. Don't buy into the hype. "Never has a good decision been made amidst hysteria" ... Me.

 

 

Obama Is An Arrogant Prick

I tried to come up with a better title for this addition ... "Obama Is Not Fit To Be An American, Let Alone The President" came in second place. Just LOOK at this picture of our "President" I found posted by the Patriot Underground:



Now ... I try to keep the profanity in my Columns to a minimum. But for this one ... Well ... If you are under 18, or if you are easily offended by profanity, read no further. This is not going to be a RANT for the faint of heart .....

Up until now, I have never been a huge fan of Obama. But I have done my best to give him a fair shake. When I hear something said about him that I know to be untrue, I have defended him. When asked if I thought he was a bad person, I always said, "I think maybe he just bit off more than he could chew with this President thing. That doesn't make him a bad person. Just inexperienced." When people have said derogatory/racist things about him, I have quipped "Hey ... He IS our President. Have a little respect!"

And now ... I take back every fucking WORD of it! Obama, you fucking low-life piece of SHIT!!!

Those two guys ... You know ... The ones in the uniforms, saluting you as you get off that chopper THAT WE THE PEOPLE FUCKING PAID FOR are SOLDIERS. These guys and millions of others look to you with the utmost respect as their Commander and Chief ... If you tell them to go to the Middle-East and die, they fucking DO IT. You tell them to leave their spouses and children and parents and boyfriends and girlfriends and jobs behind and jump on a plane and go fight to uphold your ideals, they fucking DO IT. They get shot and blown up. They sleep in huddled masses in shallow foxholes in the sand with fucking scorpions and biting ants and they get to change their clothes once a fucking month sometimes. They go to some of the most God-awful shit-holes on the planet because YOU fucking tell them to and they DO IT!

YOU ARE A PUBLIC SERVANT you fucking asshole! WE THE PEOPLE pay your fucking salary. You hold a position of power BECAUSE WE THE PEOPLE FUCKING GAVE IT TO YOU. And the very pinnacle of the people who have given you every fucking thing you have ... That really cool, big ass house? ... You know ... The White one ? ...WE OWN IT!  That fucking plane your wife uses to take $500,000.00 trips to Africa to take your fucking kids to a private trip to a safari park? ... WE OWN IT! Your limos and helicopters? We fucking own them too. Because every fucking bit of it was bought with money WE earned and paid in as taxes to support our country.

Your sense of entitlement is obscene! For Christ's SAKE! You were given a fucking NOBEL PRIZE for doing absolutely NOTHING!!!!! There were people that year curing forms of cancer and creating new science and better bio-fuels and vaccines etc. .... And they gave it to YOU?!?!?! And you had the absolute absence of class or grace to DECLINE?!?!

THAT, coupled with the above posted picture has drawn aside the curtain and revealed you as the arrogant, useless, graceless piece of shit we Americans have grown to be so terribly ashamed of. If you had a decent bone in your body, you'd resign tomorrow and live out the rest of your life in exile.

In summation, Fuck you Obama.

Thanx for spending a little time with me.

I appreciate it.

Billy

Florida Passes Plan For Racially-Based Academic Goals .... HUH?!?!

"Palm Beach, Fla. (CBS TAMPA) – The Florida State Board of Education passed a plan that sets goals for students in math and reading based upon their race.
On Tuesday, the board passed a revised strategic plan that says that by 2018, it wants 90 percent of Asian students, 88 percent of white students, 81 percent of Hispanics and 74 percent of black students to be reading at or above grade level. For math, the goals are 92 percent of Asian kids to be proficient, whites at 86 percent, Hispanics at 80 percent and blacks at 74 percent. It also measures by other groupings, such as poverty and disabilities, reported the Palm Beach Post.
The plan has infuriated many community activists in Palm Beach County and across the state."

Really? "Infuriated"? Um ... Are you friggen KIDDING me?!?!

It's like some racist butthole somehow got into a position high enough to try and make racial stereotypes statistically correct. From what I'm reading, Asians are better at math than Whites, Hispanics and Blacks in descending order. The same goes for reading. So ... Buy into the stereotypes and lower your expectations?!

Let me tell you something about the intentional muting of potential ... Human beings, by nature, tend to perform to the MINIMUM expectation of their peers. So if I wanted to make sure the status quo isn't upset ... If I wanted to reinforce the building of a stronger Cast System in the United States, this is EXACTLY how I would go about it. God knows we don't want any minorities catching up or even PASSING any race considered their superior. So, lower the expectation on the intellectual playing field, for them. If you set up a system that accepts less of a performance from Blacks and Hispanics than what is expected from Whites and Asians, and give out the same rewards across the board to all, you can, in a sense, mute the performance of those from whom you expected less in the first place. According to the plan the Florida State Board of Education has set up, a Native American from a broken home who suffers in abject poverty, is being pretty much told it's okay to do poorly compared to students who 'have it better' ... It's just a left-handed way of saying "You suck because you're not from one of the races we consider better than you ... But it's okay to suck because we already expected you to."

Guess what else? Let's say I'm an employer, say, around 2018 ... And I KNOW that a group of job applicants, all possessing the same educational credentials, but differing in race, had varying degrees of requirements to get their respective credentials ... I would know that the credentials held by Asians and Whites were actually BETTER than those held by Blacks and Hispanics because of the respective varied levels of excellence required to obtain said credentials.

You get the point.

In short ... Hey Florida Board of Education ... Fuck you, you bunch of racist, misogynistic assholes!

Aahhh ... I feel better. How 'bout you?

Thanx for spending a little time with me.

I appreciate it.

Billy

Explaining America

Saturday Morning on Long Island ... On The Bay on Long Island to be more specific (Here's a tip:It's ON Long Island. Not IN Long Island. The locals get upset if you say it wrong) ... I look out the sliding glass doors that lead to my 16x50 deck, beyond the railing, across my acre and a half yard, past the bulkhead and dock and out across the private, saltwater cove, the inlet and across the glittering expanse of water to The Hamptons. Five spacious bedrooms (I HATE small bedrooms) and four full baths ... 5000 square feet in all. Half circle driveway that starts on Little Peconic Bay Road and comes out on Sailors Lane. You'd think there were more than just the two of us living in a place this size. But no. It's just me and my son.

Seems excessive. But that's America.

That's just the point ... Well ... Not THE point. Just one of many I guess.

A while back, on the late shift at work, I was asked by a visiting physicist from Germany, to "explain America". I'll refer to him as "Arron" from here, since that's his name ... Arron was confused about the prevailing mentallity of Americans in general. He couldn't understand things like our lack of respect for our political leaders, the wide variations in socio-economic circumstances of the population, spanning from lives of excess to abject poverty, the resistance to gun control, the need to cling to the First Amendment ... The list was long. We stood in the half-light outside, smoking Marlboros ... The was a moment of silence after he posed his question before I made my move ...

Slowly, with as much Clint Eastwood as I could muster, I drew my right hand from the pocket of my 501, button-fly Levi's, and I gave him "The Finger" as I affected my best James Dean 'look at the ground, then up' move. "This ... is what America is all about." I said. He smiled and half laughed then asked for more detail. This is a paraphrase of my answer:

"The very origin of our country is based on a general statement of 'kiss my ass' ... From the Boston Tea Party to the push West to the Industrial Revolution to the Atomic Bomb. We are irreverant. We pay our taxes and in return, we expect to be left the hell alone to do as we please, just so long as we aren't hurting anyone else. We like our guns, even if we never have a reason to use them. We by God have 'em if the occasion should arise. We have a general lack of respect for our politicians because we SUCK at electing the right guy. The Terminator is the governor of California. Sonny Bono was a senator or representative or whatever. One of our best presidents in recent decades played a friggen cowboy on Death Valley Days and made movies with a chimp. Jessy The friggen Body Ventura, a pro wrestler and minor movie star was the Governor of Minnesota. Kennedy bangged Marilyn Monroe and Clinton got his junk sucked in the oval office. Our priests pork altar boys. Our school teachers seduce high school students. Our cops stick broomsticks up the asses of bad guys or play lookout for each other while they rape drunk coeds. Our doctors feel up patients when they're under sedation and I don't even wanna TALK about Kentucky. We're not much different than the majority of people from other countries except we don't quietly leave our skeletons in the closet. We yank those fuckers out and leave 'em on display on the steps to the county courthouse. We give reverence where it is deserved, but we call a turd a turd without batting an eye. The difference in quality of life in by and large directly proportionate to the level of ambition someone has. Not always. But more often than not. We make movies about heroes and cowboys and boxers and lovers and geniuses ans rock stars ... Then we buy into it and fuckin' LIVE it as best as we can. We'll give you the shirt off our respective backs if we believe you need it, but we'll punch you in the mouth in a second if you spit on our metaphoric shoes ... That's the short version of America' ...

He stood, mouth agape for a moment, then a smile of realization crept across his face.

"I think I get it." he said.

"No you don't" I smiled.

Then we went back to the control room and finished the shift, gathering data from the Linear Accelerator we were commissioning.

I hope I explained well enough for those of you who weren't there to provide your point of view. But I'm not going to lose any sleep over it if I didn't. Because this is America. It's whatever the hell I say it is ... and whatever the hell you say it is ... and you ... and you ...

Thanx for spending a little time with me.

I appreciate it.

Billy

Same Sex/Gay Marriage Legislation

Happy Friday Kiddies!

Unca Billy's back with yet another rant.

Seems all the hubbub about Same-Sex marriage legislation is still brewing. I thought some lawyer worth his salt would have put this one to rest by now. Guess I was putting a little too much faith in them. Guess I'll have to do it for them ...

I'm gonna make this short and sweet:

1. Marriage is a spiritual union.

2. The institution of marriage is outlined and defined and has it's foundations in The Bible.

3. The United States Constitution clearly states that there SHALL be a clear seperation of church and state.

4. Hence ... There can be NO legislation governing who  may or may not partake in a matter which is the sole domain of the church, i.e. marriage, baptism etc.

5. The requirement for a "Marriage License" is moot and should never have been allowed to come into existance. As it is now a requirement, it needs to be done away with ... Are you listening Lawyers?

6. If you want a "Legally Binding" union with someone, rather than a purely spiritual union, you need to go to the Justice of The Peace and have him/her perform a ritual known as a "Civil Union" for you and your chosen mate.

Of course, it's not all as simple as that. But it should be. But, over time, we have allowed the government to slowly creep across that line which is meant to define that affore-mentioned seperation of church and state. And it is the opinion of this ranter that members of the clergy need to hook up with some really good lawyers and take back the territory that has been stolen from the church.

As for Civil Union: That is 100% a legal matter and serves only the purpose of defining the legal aspects of the rights of two people who have chosen to declare their co-habitation as something binding as per the letter of several pieces of legislation. ANYBODY should be able to have a Civil Union.

'Nuff said.
Now ... stop bickering and get your butts to work straightening this mess out.

Thanx for spending a little time with me.
I appreciate it.

Billy

Health Care, HS Education, Birth Control and Abortion.

Happy Hump-Day Kiddies!

I know I've been out of the spotlight for a while. What can I say? Life happens.

Anyway ... Time to raise a little hell ... This is "Off On A Rant" after all ....

I saw a pic posted on Facebook the other day. It looked exactly like this:



Really?

Let's dig into this a bit ... First, the average age of a child, entering high school, is 13. If your child is 13, and they don't know where babies come from, you are a horrible parent. It is NOT the duty of our educational system to teach our children about the proverbial birds and the bees. It is the duty of the parent/parents of said child. As for health care, what the hell does THAT have to do with abortion? Abortion is all about your moral compass. If your parents have taught you right from wrong, you won't have to worry about becoming pregnant within unfavorable circumstances because you won't be sexually active until you are ready and responsible enough to prevent unwanted pregnancy. And as for birth control, if you are of legal age to have sex, you are old enough to stop by the local friggen Walgreen's and pick up condoms or get on the pill. If you are a female and want to get on the pill, it's ONE visit to any GP doctor's office to get a prescription written. If you don't have the money for that, I'm willing to bet the guy who is dying to get in your panties will be more than happy to pay for that in lieu for what he stands to get in return.

When the hell did all of this become the responsibility of the government? We want the schools or some social program to take responsibility for raising our kids now? And while we're on that subject ... Follow me here ... What the hell are we doing letting said government legislate abortion? First off, gender-biased laws are ILLEGAL ... As far as I can tell, abortion legislation applies only to people who have a vagina ... And last time I checked, the only people who possess one of those, are female. I personally, am against abortion. But, not being in possession of a vagina, I really have nothing more than an opinion. When it comes down to the brass tacks, I don't have a dog in that fight. It is a moral issue. Morality can't be legislated.

Now ... There are always going to be people out there who, for whatever reason, have a moral compass that could be used as the cooling fan on a Buick. People who live like that are more than likely going to see some negative consequence. Blaming the abortion rate on high school or health care or birth control is like being morbidly obese and blaming McDonald's. You KNEW that eating six Big Macs for lunch every day was going to make you gain weight. It was a gradual process. You could have stopped at any time. It's not like you woke up in great shape on Tuesday and by Friday you were a semi-gelatinous, wheezing pig.

SHOULD everyone have a high school education? Sure. What does that have to do with abortion? NOTHING.

SHOULD everyone have adequate health care? Sure. What does that have to do with abortion? NOTHING.

SHOULD everyone have access to birth control? THEY DO. What does that have to do with abortion? NOTHING.

When looking at any issue, it's important to look at the basis ... The root cause, if you will. And there are any number of reasons women get abortions. And each of these reasons is a deeply personal and often spiritual struggle for that individual. Slapping a generic label on it is just wrong. Supposing there is a generic answer to the problem is just ignorant.

I rest my case ... for now.

Thanx for spending a little time with me.
I appreciate it.

Billy

Walmart and the Second Amendment

Okay kiddies. Unka Billy's been taking a break for a while. Hard to be 'Off On A Rant' when the world just kept being a wonderful place to live. Been healthy and happy and just completely beyond letting anything set me off ... Until today ...

So ... I'm standing in my kitchen, looking out at the serene waters of The Bay, having a cup of coffee. The wind is buffeting the water, creating amazing patterns ... sparkling ripples on the surface ... Deer are hanging out on the peninsula opposite my dock ... Then I get a text message from lead guitarist and brother-like friend Jimmy Williams.
He's at Walmart.
He's pissed.
Here's why:

He was spending his morning putting together a gift package for someone ... Some exotic tobacco, a bottle of brandy and a box of 9mm ammo ... A traditional gift of Alcohol, Tobacco and Firearms related items. In some circles, mine included, such a gift says a lot. Jimmy's choice of caliber ammo was predicated on the caliber of firearm the recipient owned. Here's the thing ...

Apparently ... At Walmart, you can buy .38 cal ... .22 cal ... .44 cal ... .45 cal ... 12 gauge shells etc. etc. etc. without any special permits. I can dig it.
BUT ... Don't you fuckin' dare try to buy 9mm ammo without a pistol permit.

It's not a state law.
It's not a local statute.
There hasn't been a rash of 9mm shootings in the area. (It's the East End of friggen Long Island. There has NEVER been a rash of shootings here of ANY kind or caliber.)

Nope.
It's store policy.
Yah. Me too. I know. WTF?
It's not like they require a pistol permit for ALL pistol ammo. If that was store policy, I could see it. It's not like they are targeting assault weapon ammo, because you can buy .223 and 7.62x39 NATO Designated rounds without a pistol permit. Just some arbitrary asshole somewhere in the Walmart chain of command, decided he or she didn't like 9mm ammo I guess.

So ... What next?
"I'm sorry sir. You need to show us a medical exemption card if you want to buy boxer-briefs. Ma'am ... You can't buy an under wire bra unless you can show me your certified pole dancer I.D. ... Hey kid! Get away from the Hip Hop section of the music department ... You're white!"

Since when has Walmart been the watchdog for American wholesomeness? Have you been in a Walmart at three in the morning? It's like perusing the freak section at a carnival. And half the people that work there, put together in a room, would look like a casting call for "Deliverance, Part 2, Return To Incest Ridge" ... I swear I hear banjo music every time I go in that place.


I know.
Now you're pissed too.
You can clearly see how an institution that has long provided us with cheap Twinkies and giant plastic jugs of fruit punch, has become the same institution that has decided to interpret the Second Amendment of the US Constitution for those of us who are too ignorant to interpret it for ourselves. Yes ... Walmart knows better than us. They apparently know better than the governing bodies of our country as well, because THEY now decide what you can or can't buy, regardless of state law or local statute.


So ... You're thinking, 'What can we do?"
Well ... Do what you want. This is America.
As for me, I'm boycotting Walmart. I'm not setting another foot inside that slack-jawed yokel infested Nazi-run shithole ever again. I'll go across the street to Target or to Kmart or ANYPLACE else to spend my hard-earned dollar. I've got enough people telling me what I can or can't do. I'm not taking it from a place that fosters such ridiculous and blatant violations of the rights given to us as American Citizens.


'Nuff said.
Thanx for spending a little time with me.
I appreciate it.

Fitness Equipment

Okay ... I think we've all done this ... About two years ago, I found myself standing in Sports Authority, hands on my hips, looking over machine after machine, designed to get me into tip top shape. Pulleys and giant rubber bands and cables and attachments out the wazoo. I ended up buying an elliptical machine. I figured, I can climb on this thing and just walk/climb the pounds off and get my wind back. The salesman was more than happy to confirm this, touting the benefits of the gadget. He even helped me load it into my truck. That's where the help stopped. I got it home. I nearly KILLED myself getting the three boxes into the house. Then I spent the next three days putting the thing together. But ... Once I had it together, it looked impressive. It had a friggen computer on it that told me how many calories I was burning and how far I'd gone and what my pulse was ... It was so friggen cool. Each morning, for months, I woke up, had my coffee, then climbed aboard. After three months, I'd lost ... 3 pounds. My hips were getting screwed up from the lack of variation in motion and my live-in fiance' was not at all happy with me rolling out of the sack every morning an hour early, cutting into our 'snuggle time'. In the end, it ended up becoming a really nifty place to hang my jacket when I wasn't wearing it. A month later ... Yup ... Back at Sports Authority ... Hands on hips ... Same salesman. He didn't even remember me. Gave me the same line about a weight machine being the absolute best machine I could get my hands on ... Just like he'd said about my previous purchase. This go round ... 5 boxes. Weighed twice as much. Took a week to put together. And, three months later, I was in the same boat as before. This time, we started hanging damp towels on it when we got home from the beach. At least it was good for something.


I'm a Health Physicist by profession. I know a bit about fitness. Here's the skinny: The number of repetitions you do is far more important that how much weight you can lift or how much time you spend working out, running etc. With each repetition you do, you burn calories. Physics mandates that variety of motion and change of direction increases the number of calories burned and the amount of muscular benefit. It's just plain science.

That having been said, ad in the logistics of machines that weigh hundreds of pounds and take up a ton of space. Take into account how much time you have to spend changing configurations of your equipment for different exercises. Or if you choose to get a gym membership, take into account travel time on top of workout time etc. It's so friggen complicated.


So I went in search of simplicity.
Here's what I found: The FITRYO TOTAL BAR. I'll post the link where I found it in a minute. It has the science behind it. It doesn't take up ANY space. You can stand it up behind the bedroom door when you're not using it. It's fast. I can get in like 1800 reps in about 15 minutes. It weighs less than ten pounds. I don't have to spend a week putting it together. I watched the video for it and it's the first one I've seen that makes actual sense. There is one draw-back ... It doesn't look like I could hang much laundry on it. But then again, I won't have to.

So ... I'm ordering one on Friday. I can't wait to get my hands on it. With Winter creeping in, I'm gonna need something to keep from packing on those seasonal pounds and to stay in "swimsuit" shape so I don't have to work my butt off in the Spring, frantically trying to get back into shape.

Here's the link:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xsWe92wnZcM&context=C3194141ADOEgsToPDskLBzulTRDHzu2OkcMAq0Tkl

Buy one. I'm gonna.
Enough said.

Thanx for spending a little time with me.
I appreciate it.
Billy

What's In A Name?

Ahhh, Shakespeare ... "A rose by any other name would smell as sweet ... "
Back then, it applied. Now days ... Not so much.
A name can have an extremely positive, or negative impact on the wearer of it. I was born, Floyd William Flanigan. In 1927, Floyd was a popular and usual first name. In 1979, not so much. Granted, I was named after my maternal grandfather who was a wonderful man. He had no sons, so I was offered up as his namesake. But ... as I grew up, believe it or not, I had girls who wanted to go out with me but didn't because they just couldn't handle the name. There was a guy in my high school named Billy Heck. Talk about a cool name. And the  girls flocked to this guy. When I started going by a shortened version of my middle name, which is Billy as well, the girls were much more easy ... to come by ... yes, much more easy to come by. It was kind of like a social experiment. If I introduced myself as Floyd, I was received a certain way. If I introduced myself as Billy, it went much better. But ... I'm not the only one. My name-related woes were short-lived and not really that bad. But let's take a look at some others:

Dick Trickle ... Race car driver.
Parker Schnovel ... Gold Prospector.
Coco Crisp ... Baseball player.
Dick Pole ... No kidding. He played for the Red Sox.
Matt Schmuck ... He was in my study hall, freshman year.
Fair Hooker ... Player for the Cleveland Browns.
Ben Dover
Harry Butts
Richard Head (Dick for short)
Rusty Ford
Penny Nickles

The list just seems to go on and on. What were the parents of these people thinking when they named them? Talk about cruelty to children! Imagine roll call each morning in the sixth grade for Mike Hunt. Imagine what third grade was like for Jeff Artz.

Anyway ... I'm keeping this one short.
PLEASE ad to the list of screwed up names if you know of any. And if you are an expectant parent, read the list and think hard before naming your new addition to the family!

Thanx for spending a little time with me.
I appreciate it.
Billy

Cry Freedom

Yesterday, the last of the American troops left Iraq. Coincidentally, the "Beloved" dictator of North Korea died in his sleep about the same time of a massive heart attack. Seems the proverbial dogs of war, or at least their scent, is around us in some form all of the time. The opinions on war and violence in general are vast and varied. Over the past nine years I have heard any number of said opinions on our country's involvement in conflicts around the globe, brought on mostly by our involvement in the whole Iraq business. But one in particular stuck with me. In fact, it stuck in my craw:

Some time ago, I found myself in a quaint coffee shop in a college town. I sat at my booth and worked on my latest novel, "Dark Gardener" while sipping away on a frozen, coffee drink. My hair wasn't nearly as long as it is now, but I guess I still had the stereotypical appearance of an intellectual. Enough so to attract the attention of a John Lennon-esk man in his early twenties. He came over, asked if he could sit and, after being given the requested permission via me nodding to the affirmative, did so. A conversation slowly grew between us. First weather. Then the book I was working on. Then politics ... Which led to personal ideology. That's where things took a turn for the worse.

"War is just wrong, man. I mean ... Violence just brings on more violence. It's like ... a vicious cycle, man. Me ... I'm a pacifist. Never been in a fist fight. Never had to. There's always a way to resolve things without violence man ... You know what I mean?"

Guess which one of us said that.

If you guessed me ... I'm sorry. That was the incorrect answer. Game over. But we have some lovely parting gifts for you. Roddy! ... Tell him what he's going home with!

No ... It was, in fact, the frail little chuckle-monkey across the table from me. His hands were slight and fragile. His brow was smooth and free of furrow. He wore one of those silly bracelets, woven from hemp with beads in the mix. The urge to smack the shit out of him crept closer to the surface of my calm exterior with each word he spoke. You get the picture.

But ... I let him finish. He regurgitated some philosophical crap he'd read and tried his best to sound like an authority on the issue ... As if to educate me on the finer points of the subject. It was measured ... practiced. I imagined he'd coughed up the same schpeal any number of times to the delight of doe-eyed schoolgirls and adoring throngs of stoned buddies. And just when he was about to slip into his closing statement ... I gave him "the look" ... The same look I'd given many a dipshit just prior to letting them have it. At first he looked confused as he fell silent. Then I think a twinge of fear might have hit him ... You know ... That feeling you get when you realize you leaned too far back in a chair and you have to catch yourself. That being the desired result, I let fly:

"Let me tell you something about war. Let me tell you something about violence. The only reason you have the freedom to sit here in this place and prattle on about this shit, is because someone, somewhere, kicked the shit out of someone, to buy you that freedom. The only reason this is America, is because someone was willing to kick some else's ass to purchase our freedom to become our own country. The only reason this is still America is because countless men and women went out and kicked people's asses who would have otherwise taken away your freedom and mine and that of everyone else who lives here. The only reason some scumbag doesn't walk in your house and take your belongings and impose their will on you and anyone else who lives there, is because they don't want to get their ass kicked, either by you or the police or some monster named Bubba in the prison they'll end up in if they get caught. The very fact that you are able to live your life as a pacifist is thanks to ass-kicking in some way, shape or form, performed by someone, somewhere, at some time in the past, to enforce the rules that protect your freedom. Hell ... I don't even think they should call it freedom. It comes at such a high price, they should come up with a more fitting name for it ..." There was more. But you get the point. I railed on him for a good three minutes straight.

At that point, I stopped speaking long enough to realize the frail, little man across the table, was on the verge of tears. He looked as though he'd have much rather been under the table ... perhaps curled into the fetal position in a puddle of his own urine ... He said nothing. He just stared at me in disbelief. It occurred to me to give him another piece of my mind. But, being a father and knowing the ignorance of youth, I relented. I simply snatched up my frozen drink and left him there, speechless.

In the parking lot, pity set in for a moment. I thought perhaps I'd been too harsh. After all, he was a pacifist and my tone had more than likely given him cause to fear I might visit violence upon him. With me being easily twice his size, I could only imagine his horror at the thought of the outcome of a physical confrontation with me. I hate bullies and in that moment, I felt like one.

But then ... I thought of my grandfather who'd been an Army sniper in WW2 then come home with a twisted mind and murdered my grandmother and then taken his own life. That was the price he paid for our collective freedom ... My cousin Jay who'd done a few tours in Vietnam and later died from the ravages of Agent Orange exposure ... My uncles and friends who'd done their respective time in foxholes and rice paddies and deserts ... And how afraid they must have been, knowing the potential price of their defense of my freedom and that of every American. And with that, my desire to apologize ... My concern for the fear I might have instilled in that little man ... subsided and gave way to indifference to his plight.

I thought, in short ... 'Fuck him'.

There are far too many people out there in other countries who go to bed every night, cowering in fear from the things they endured through the day for lack of freedom. I imagine they pray for someone to kick someone's ass on their behalf. Fear is a horrible thing. It strips people of their ability to suppose themselves anything more than animals at the mercy of their government or enemies or foreign aggression ... Freedom, bought with the currency of violence ... blood and sacrifice is the only thing that allows people to live without fear. George Orwell once said, "People sleep peaceably in their beds at night only because rough men stand ready to do violence on their behalf." A simple phrase that says so much.

Well ... Enough from me. Let me know how you feel on the subject.
And, as usual:
Thanx for spending a little time with me.
I appreciate it.
Billy

Welfare in America

I was forwarded this rant in an email from a friend and I thought it needed more exposure. So I'm borrowing it and including it here. While some may find some of the things this young woman writes harsh, I believe they have merit:

"The problems we face today are

there because the people who work

For a living are outnumbered by those

Who vote for a living"

This was written by a 21 yr old female who gets it. It's her future she’s worried about and this is how she feels about the social welfare big government state that she’s being forced to live in! These solutions are just common sense in her opinion.

This was in the Waco Tribune Herald, Waco , TX Nov 18, 2010  Put me in charge . . .  Put me in charge of food stamps. I'd get rid of Lone Star cards; no cash for Ding Dongs or Ho Ho's, just money for 50-pound bags of rice and beans, blocks of cheese and all the powdered milk you can haul away. If you want steak and frozen pizza, then get a job.  Put me in charge of Medicaid. The first thing I'd do is to get women Norplant birth control implants or tubal ligations. Then, we'll test recipients for drugs, alcohol, and nicotine and document all tattoos and piercings. If you want to reproduce or use drugs, alcohol, smoke or get tats and piercings, then get a job.  Put me in charge of government housing. Ever live in a military barracks? You will maintain our property in a clean and good state of repair. Your "home" will be subject to inspections anytime and possessions will be inventoried. If you want a plasma TV or Xbox 360, then get a job and your own place.  In addition, you will either present a check stub from a job each week or you will report to a "government" job. It may be cleaning the roadways of trash, painting and repairing public housing, whatever we find for you. We will sell your 22 inch rims and low profile tires and your blasting stereo and speakers and put that money toward the “common good..”  Before you write that I've violated someones rights, realize that all of the above is voluntary. If you want our money, accept our rules.. Before you say that this would be "demeaning" and ruin their "self esteem," consider that it wasn't that long ago that taking someone else's money for doing absolutely nothing was demeaning and lowered self esteem.  If we are expected to pay for other people's mistakes we should at least attempt to make them learn from their bad choices. The current system rewards them for continuing to make bad choices.  AND While you are on Gov’t subsistence, you no longer can VOTE! Yes that is correct. For you to vote would be a conflict of interest. You will voluntarily remove yourself from voting while you are receiving a Gov’t welfare check. If you want to vote, then get a job. __,_._,___

Now ... Don't get me wrong. The welfare system has an important purpose in our country. It is there to help those who need a hand up ... Not a hand out. People can use the system to get the things they need to survive while they work to improve their respective lot. Success is out there. Anyone can have it. But it requires hard work and sacrifice. If welfare were strictly utilized for that purpose (with the obvious exception of those who genuinely CAN'T work due to disability etc.) it would be a far more respectable proposition. But when it is viewed as a lifestyle and those using it consider it a life-long situation, the mark has been sorely missed.

Anyway ...
Thanx for spending a little time with me.
I appreciate it.
Billy

Is There Anybody Out There?

No ... I'm not quoting a Pink Floyd song. It's all about the Aliens this go 'round. Recently there was a video posted on the web that appears to show a "cloaked" alien spacecraft, hiding in orbit behind the planet Mercury. A solar flash or something like that shoots out from the Sun and illuminates this thing. It's friggen HUGE. It remains stationary as the energy blast pours over it, exposing it to the view of a military satellite camera. I watched it several times and it is quite convincing. But in an age where computers can do pretty much anything to digital film footage, it's hard to put much stock in anything we see via video.

But, let's take a look at this from a purely scientific slant. What are the odds, out of all of the billions of trillions of stars out there and all the gazillions of planets ... What are the odds that Earth is the only planet with intelligent life on it? The odds are crap compared to the pure statistical probability that we are NOT the only ones. Even if you put God into the formula ... Why would He create the entire Universe and decide to only put life on our tiny, little spec of a planet? If this is the only place where anything like that is going on, what the heck is all that other stuff out there for?

Granted ... It is a psychological tendency of humans in general, to confine their thoughts to the environment in which we live. Thinking outside that is something we have to stretch our minds to do. We also have a psychological predisposition to think of ourselves as special ... Like the Universe was built around US ... Like we are the only ones. But in order to truly examine the probability of other-worldly life, we need to put those limitations aside for a bit. Yup ... There isn't any obvious mention of other planets being populated in the Bible. There is no mention of computers either ... or race cars ... or fruit rollups ... or Red Bull ... The Bible was written a very long time ago. The things in it are things that were known to mankind at that time. The world was flat. Stars were pinholes, punched in the curtain of night. Volcanoes had angry demons living in them. If we are to assume God gave us the Bible, we also have to assume He only gave us what we could handle at the time. Telling us about outer space and nuclear fission would have been a waste of time back then. I'm obviously not trying to say I KNOW any of this. I'm just running down a chain of logic.

So ... What if there ARE aliens? Who's to say they are even slightly interested in us? Who's to say they live close enough to visit? Believing there is intelligent life elsewhere does not predicate belief in alien visitors to our planet. But let's say they ARE interested in us ... and they DO live close enough to visit ... One might ask, "Then why haven't they landed on the White House lawn and asked to be taken to our proverbial leader?" Well ... If you flew to Italy for a vacation, would you jump off the plane and ask to be taken to their leader? I know I wouldn't. I'd just go around looking at stuff and enjoying my visit. We assume that any alien visitors are either from their military or their scientific community when in all likelihood, they could well be tourists! I mean ... They always seem to interact with common folk ... They seem to like abducting people who are out in the middle of nowhere (They probably think they are hitchhikers), they have a penchant for cows and landmarks ... They sound like tourists to me.

Anyway ... I've prattled on long enough. Depending on what kind of comments I get on this post, I might write more later.
In the meantime:

Thanx for spending a little time with me.
I appreciate it.
Billy

Oh Christmas Tree

So ... Yesterday was Sunday, December 4th. I needed to pick up a few things in town, so off to Riverhead I went. Traffic on the way there was normal for a Sunday. A bit congested, but nothing out of the ordinary. I bought groceries and a few necessary odds and ends. Then ... The drive home ...

I live in Cutchogue, New York. To get from Riverhead to Cutchogue, one must drive through an area that is peppered with vineyards, wineries, farm stands and ... wait for it ... Christmas Trees Farms! The area is peaceful ... serene ... People are courteous. They drive on their side of the road. They slow down and allow others to enter traffic. They go when the light turns green. They stop when it turns red. They drive somewhere near the speed limit. The yards are large and well kept. It is a lovely place to live. BUT ...

As I drove, it became obvious to Kat and I (Kat is my fiance') that the Christmas Tree crowd had once again descended upon our little slice of paradise. The roof of every third vehicle or so had at least one Christmas tree strapped to it. People were swerving and crossing the center line that separates east and west-bound traffic. People were cutting each other off. When stop lights turned green, it seemed that whoever was at the front of the line of cars had better things to do than press the accelerator. Cars from the crossing thoroughfares ran red lights and practically dared each other to hit one another. It was the invasion of the Citiots! (Pronounced sittiots. The word is a hybridization of city dwellers and idiots. We on the East End use it to describe those who venture here from New York City)

Now ... Don't get me wrong. There are many businesses in our neck of the woods that derive a great deal of their business from Citiots. It's amazing what they will pay for a home baked apple pie ($16) or a bottle of locally produced wine ($36) or farm fresh produce. They show up and gobble the stuff up. They'll pay $12 for a pint of raspberries at a farm stand when they could go to the local grocery store and buy the same raspberries, grown in the same field, for $3. It's amazing. All Summer, it's the farm stands. In Fall it's pumpkin pickers and people buying decorative corn stalks. And now, in December, it's the Christmas Tree crowd. They bring much needed revenue to our area. Unfortunately, that's not all they bring. They bring the driving habits of the New York City sect.  It makes life for those of us who just want to get home from work or run errands, absolute hell. I've had to sit in stop and go traffic down stretches of road that are normally free flowing traffic. I've spent two hours making a drive home from work that normally takes 45 minutes. I've had people bring their vehicle to a dead stop in the middle of the road while they point out a really cool looking house to their passengers. I've been stuck behind people doing 31 miles an hour in a 55 mile an hour zone for miles. They act more like they are driving through a friggen safari park than a neighborhood. It is down right maddening.

Sooooo ... Just in case any Citiots are reading this, here's something of a plea from those of us who fall victim to your visits to our little slice: While you're out here, take a look around. Try to remember that you are no longer in the Big Apple. There is no hustle. There is no bustle. If you see something cool, pull the hell over and THEN take some time to look at it. USE YOUR FRIGGEN GPS. If you don't have one, BUY one. PLAN out your trip a little before you leave home. Use your turn signal. Drive somewhere NEAR the speed limit. Be courteous to your fellow motorist. If you see a farm stand up ahead that you want to visit, start slowing down BEFORE you decide to turn in. Slamming on your breaks in a 50 mile an hour zone and making a break-neck turn is a bad idea. Enjoy yourself, but try not to do so by pissing off EVERYONE else you get near.

Okay ... Sorry ... Had to get that off my chest.

Thanx for spending a little time with me.
I appreciate it.
Billy

Technology In My Lifetime

When I was in high school, I remember the computer geeks and how they had this secret room off the main hall where they made up punch cards and studied COBOL and FORTRAN ... The computer in that room was the size of a Buick. There were all kinds of tape reels and electrical panels. Multi-colored electrical spaghetti ran through trays from this box to that ... It looked amazing. It was top of the line.

Now ... I have a cell phone that has more than a thousand times the computing capacity of that thing. I carry around a dual core 1 gig processor with 16 gigs of memory ... in my pocket! I can stand in a corn field and call someone in Guam if the mood strikes me. I can log onto the Internet, check my email and then text my BFF in an instant. When I was in high school, the only guy with anything close to that was Captain James T. Kirk! What's next?!

I remember how odd it seemed to me that my grandmother was so thrilled when an airliner flew over her house. She'd stand on the patio and stare, marvelling at the thing. I'm beginning to know what she was going through.

There's a tiny box in my truck that TALKS TO ME and gives me directions to wherever I want to go. It even warns me of traffic jams and proposes an alternate route. If I make a wrong turn or miss an exit, it recalculates my route and gets me back on the right track. My DVR records my favorite TV shows when I'm not home, then plays them back for me, without the commercials if I tell it to. My watch sets its self by communicating with a satellite in Colorado ... I live in New York. The doors at my lab sense when I am near and unlock themselves so I can walk through without turning the door knob. I CAN SHOOT A MOVIE WITH MY PHONE!!!!!

So ... I'll be 46 years old soon. Odds are, I'll live another 40. What will I see in that time? Things that were science fiction in my youth can be bought at Walmart.

I am amazed and excited to see what will come around the bend next.

Thanx for spending a little time with me.
I appreciate it.
Billy

How To Post Your Own Rant On This Blog

Hi All. I've had many requests for readers to post their own rants etc. on this blog. It too a littlel time, but I have the process nailed down finally. You have to give me your email at flanigan.billy@yahoo.com Then I have to ad your email to the list of "Authors" authorized to post on the blog. You will then get an email for confirmation from blogspot, if I'm not mistaken, and that will give you authorization to post to your heart's content. Once this is done, please don't rake me over the coals too badly with your posts. They have content rules etc. and I don;t want to get into trouble with them. They've been good enough to give me this opportunity to get this thing up and going and I don't want to give them a reason to stop supporting this forum. I believe it has real value.

Thanx for spending a little time with me.
I appreciate it.
Billy

Pro Athletes On Strike?

Remember about a week ago, how people who were fed up with the most wealthy 1%? The whole "Occupy" movement? It seems to have lost a lot of steam in my neck of the woods. Not sure how it's doing over the rest of the USA. But, did we forget about one demographic that makes up that top 1% of the wealthy?

I'm not going to name names. I'm not going to post salary figures. But most of us know what kind of money these folks make ... to play a game.

BUT ... Professional athletes are heroes ... They aren't thought of as the evil rich as are bank CEO's and Stock Brokers. And arguably, they deserve the compensation the receive in many cases. But when someone is paying you 10 million dollars a season to play a game, and you go on strike because you want MORE money, that sticks in my craw. I grew up playing sports ... Basketball, Football, Wrestling and Kickboxing were my favorites to participate in ... And I was given in return the fitness that comes from years of participation, a great sense of sportsmanship and fair play, teammates who became friends for life and a few scars and war stories. I was never good enough to go pro. Most aren't. The few who are, however, need to remember that they are being paid to play a game they obviously loved enough to become really good at and eventually go pro at.

Key words ... game ... loved ... Before it became a job.

When I was a kid, I could get a box seat behind the home dugout at a Cubs game for $8.
And I doubt ANYONE in the Cubs Organization made 1 million dollars a year, let alone 10.
And Mike Jordan was in grade school.
And a whole family could go to a football game together on a Sunday afternoon without taking out a second mortgage on the house.
And the only guys who punched each other were the Hockey players.
And your heroes didn't get arrested on gun charges or rape charges or drug charges.
Basketball stars told kids to drink milk, not where they could get cool sneakers.
Sports Stars were looked to as pillars of good sportsmanship and community leaders.
You guys were heroes ... not rock stars.
But now ...

Look ... I'm not trying to paint with such a broad brush that I malign players who still believe in the game. I applaud them. They are that which I believe all the rest should aspire to become.

I don't know for sure who is to blame. Greedy Owners? Greedy Agents? Greedy Players? Greed in general?
Again ... I don't know. But I do know the vast majority of professional athletes make more than enough already. Going on strike just detracts from everything they are supposed to represent.

'Nuff said.

Thanx for spending a little time with me.
I appreciate it.
Billy

Human Trials/Using human subjects for testing drugs/products etc.

Okay ... PETA ... ACLU ... and any number of other organizations, whose job it is to protect animals and humans from ... humans I guess ... This one's for you.

FIRST ... PETA. Okay guys. I get it. Don't be cruel to animals. But ... This crap of throwing blood/red paint on people wearing fur has to stop. You are destroying someone's personal property to make your point. That's illegal. I don't own a fur coat, but I assure you, if I did, and you threw paint on it, you'd have a serious ass-kicking coming. I would more than likely strip those leather Nike's from your feet and beat the shit out of you with them. You think the millions of cows who die annually so you can wear leather shoes, leather belts and leather gloves, committed suicide? They came from the same slaughterhouse that produced the meat for that friggen Big Mac you had for lunch yesterday. And that goose down comforter on your bed ... You can pretty much count on the fact that the goose involved in its production was not a volunteer, nor did it survive the production process. I don't know what the statistics are on what percentage of Americans are  vegetarians. Frankly, I don't care enough to spend my time looking that up. But I can tell you this much ... They are not the majority. This is made evident by the plethora of businesses in our country who sell animal based products and do very well ... McDonald's ... Wilson's Leather ... Nike ... Wendy's ... Burger King ... Ashley Furniture ... Burgers, shoes, jackets, leather sofas ... The list is endless. You guys wanna protect animals from chemical testing etc.? To an extent, you have a point. Animals don't get a choice. BUT ... You tell me ... and be honest ... If you had a three-year-old son, dying from a horrible affliction, and the doctors said the only way to save his life and the lives of thousands of children just like him, was to hit a million Koala Bears in the head with an aluminum bat ... Would you or would you not turn into the world's greatest Bat-Whacker of Koalas? If I was in that position, there wouldn't be a safe place on the planet for a Koala to hide.

But ... If we did away with animal testing ... Okay ... Time to pick on the people against HUMAN testing....

There are people out there ... Grown ass people who are over 18, who WANT to be test subjects for anything  and everything from makeup to experimental surgery to new drugs ... especially new drugs ... And you won't LET THEM?! Some of these people simply want to do their part. Some just want a chance at a cure for some affliction they have. Some are desperate for money. In all cases, I say LET THEM. Nothing wrong with people wanting to do their part. 'nuff said on that one. Experimental treatment on diseases, especially for those who have the disease and are up for anything that has a chance at improving their lot ... No brainer. It's their life and possibly the only chance they have of living disease free or in some cases live at all. For those desperate for money ... If they are willing to let you hook them up to a car battery in the name of science for a few bucks, what ELSE do you think they would do for money? ... Rob a bank? Mug you? Deal drugs? Sooooo ... Medical trials on these people might be just the thing that keeps them from resorting to a life of crime.

Okay ... Enough for now.

Thanx for spending a little time with me.
I appreciate it.
Billy

Happy Thanksgiving!!!

Well ... Here it is folks. The last Thursday in November. And we all know what that means ... Turkey ... Football ... Family ... Pumpkin Pie ... Incredible food in grand helpings, heaped on every plate. It is one of my favorite holidays for so many reasons.

How many of you remember what they told us about Thanksgiving when we were children in school?

I was told that the Pilgrims invited the Indians to their village to celebrate the bounty of the season and to make friends. As we all grew up, we learned differently. The beginnings of this holiday are not so nice. But I am going to forego that rant for a time more appropriate. For now, let us just observe the holiday for what its name suggests ... All of the things and people and events etc. that we have to be grateful for. Look around you and know that in some way, you are fortunate.

For those who logged into my blog today looking forward to the usual ranting ... I apologize. I promise to be twice the smartass tomorrow to make up for it.

Again ... Happy Thanksgiving!
And ... Thanx for spending a little time with me.
I appreciate it.
Billy

Penny Auctions

Not long ago, a new craze hit the Internet ...Penny Auctions. It came on the evening news ... "Can you really win an iPad for a penny? Yes ... You can. And we'll tell you how, right after this commercial ..."

So ... I watched the commercial like a good little consumer and then they told us all about the wonderful world of Penny Auctions. And within the next hour or so, I'd logged on, busted out the credit card and leapt into this new and wondrous world. I made the minimum investment ... about $15 if I remember correctly ... and I was on my way.

Now ... A while back, some people had me take a bunch of tests and they came away from it with the impression that my I.Q. was in the neighborhood of 174. I understand that is rather high. And, in the case of penny auctions, turns out, that comes in really handy. I started off with 25 bids. You buy bids, 25 for $15 in my case. Then you can use those bids to compete with other bidders to win ... more bids. Each time a new bid is placed, the price of the auction item (in this case a bid voucher for 100 bids) goes up 1 cent. So ... I decided to just watch the bidding and learn ... identify trends ... track the tendencies of the most active and successful bidders ... For two days I watched and learned. It was the weekend ... Sunday evening came after a Friday night and a good part of a rainy Saturday afternoon had been invested in gathering the data I needed. I actually built a spreadsheet to sort and interpret the data. I knew the average winning bid for any and all of the items I had an interest in acquiring along with who the bidders were who would rather lose their ass than lose an auction ... The mad dogs and the wimps ... push-overs and bullies ... bluffers and psychos ... I'd identified most of the major players and had their screen names on a list by category. And then ... I jumped in. And within a few hours, I'd accumulated about 500 bids worth of bid vouchers. I was kicking ass and taking names. I knew exactly when to swoop in on an auction ... when the bidders were just about ready to throw in the towel ... Which bidders would back off when bluffed ... etc....etc...etc.

The following evening I took my 500+ bids and went to war for some tangible goodies ... I got a set of walkie-talkies that worked over a 7 mile range, with a counter top charger and belt clips ... I got a color night vision monocular with carrying case and shoulder strap ... I got a Lenovo Mini Laptop Computer that converted into a friggen touch screen tablet PC! And just when I was ready to kick ass on an auction for this amazing digital camera ... I got a message saying I had reached my limit ... my winning limit ... I hadn't read the terms and conditions. Really ... Does anybody actually read those things? Anyway, they have a limit set for how much stuff any one bidder can win in a set period of time/days/weeks, etc. It pissed me off at first. I was on a ROLL after all. But, after a moment of thought, it made sense. It was ... fair. It was a way to limit the influence those more learned and experienced could have in the auctions. After a certain time, the big winners dropped off and the lesser bidders got a chance to win some stuff as well. It actually did a good job of leveling the playing field.

So there I was ... Lots of cool stuff in the mail being rushed to my front door ... I still had a few bids left in my bank and I'd still only invested $15. My experience with penny auctions had been remarkable ... awesome ... fun! And now that they had applied the figurative brakes on my race down the auction king highway, I had time to sit back and watch some more auctions ... Gather more data ...

A 25 bid voucher went for $1 ..... A 50 bid voucher went for $3 .... A 250 bid voucher went for $17!!!! Holy crap! How were these guys that ran the site making any money!?!?! Well ... Do the math. Each time the price of an item goes up a penny (All auctions start at a penny) that means someone expended a bid. A bid costs roughly 55 to 65 cents. Average=60 cents ... 0.6 dollars ... times 100=$60 ... for a 25 bid voucher. A 50 bid voucher for $3 translates to $180 worth of bids expended ... Follow the logic.

BUT ... I also saw ... in the wee hours of the morning ... 25 bid vouchers going for 8 cents. iPads going for two dollars and seventeen cents ... There are REAL opportunities to get incredible deals. But you have to do it the right way. The people who jump in too early on an auction will most likely run out of bids long before the auction ends, most of the time.

In the end, if you are a winner in penny auctions, you can win HUGE. If you don't know what you're doing, you can lose your ass and have nothing to show for it. I personally had an awesome experience. But I also bore witness to a ton of people being crushed and left by the wayside. Their experience was obviously not as enjoyable as mine.

My advice? Give it a try. But keep your initial investment in bid credits low until you know if you suck at it or not. Do your research. Be patient. Watch out for the bullies and psychos and mad dogs and most of all, do it for FUN. If you get a bunch of stuff, great. If not, chalk your $15 up as an entertainment expense and move on.

Thanx for spending a little time with me.
I appreciate it.
Billy